I am absolutely frustrated Bruh!
For those of you who have been following along with the latest episode of *As Heather’s Life Turns*, I am currently waiting on our Summer EBT card to arrive in the mail.
Now before anyone gets excited, it’s not like we’re talking about winning the lottery here. It’s $360 for groceries. But let me tell you something: when your pantry inventory resembles the leftovers from an apocalypse-themed cooking show, that $360 starts looking like a winning Powerball ticket.
Because my kids qualified for reduced lunches during the school year, they qualify for Summer EBT. Which is fantastic news when you have three children whose primary hobbies appear to be drinking milk, eating cereal, and asking what’s for dinner approximately seven minutes after finishing lunch.
The card was supposedly mailed on June 4th….mmm hmm
June. Fourth. (sure it was!)
I know they said it could take up to 10 business days.
I know this.
I understand this information.
I have heard these words.
But here’s the problem: when we were all being assembled by our respective maker(s), the line for patience was simply too long. I looked at it, said “absolutely not,” and skipped directly to the sarcasm, anxiety, and stubbornness stations.
So every morning I wake up and begin my daily routine:
1. Make a cup of Java Factory Roasters Coffee!!
2. Check mailbox.
3. Be disappointed.
4. Check mailbox again later just in case the laws of time and space changed.
5. Stare aggressively out the window whenever I think I hear the mail lady. YOU KNOW just in case it wasnt actually her that handed me my mail this morning!!!!!
Meanwhile, our current food inventory is approximately:
* 6 slices of bread
* 4 tablespoons of butter
* 2 slices of cheese
* 1/4 of a jar of Powdered parmesan cheese
* 3 suspicious-looking pickle chips floating in a jar
* Chopped jalapeños
That’s it.
That’s the list.
That’s not a pantry.
That’s a Chopped challenge! (i can make ya a grilled cheese?)
And because life enjoys a good joke, this shortage has somehow coincided with my children entering what can only be described as their annual Velociraptor Growth Spurt Season.
The amount of milk consumed in this house should honestly qualify us for agricultural tax deductions. (maybe I should purchace some chickens and a cow?)
I KNOW What I’m actually waiting for isn’t the card.
I’m waiting for relief.
I’m waiting to stop mentally calculating every loaf of bread, every gallon of milk, every grocery store trip. I’m waiting to walk into a store and buy food without having to perform advanced mathematics while standing in front of the cereal aisle.
The good news is that Matt started his new job almost immediately after leaving his old one. We know things are going to get better. at some point….I HOPE. SOON….
The bad news is that “eventually” is not helping my sanity today!
So now I sit here trying to be grateful.
Trying to be calm.
Trying to be peaceful.
Trying not to completely lose my ever-loving mind while waiting for a piece of mail that apparently is coming by covered wagon!
And to my awesome ass neighbors, I have free time, my kids have free time WE are going to deep clean my house. SO… if you hear me screaming over the next few days, please understand that I asked nicely first!
In fact, I probably asked nicely somewhere between 70 and 70 billion times.
At some point, a mother’s voice naturally evolves from “Could you please do that kid?” into “WHY IS NOBODY FUCKING LISTENING TO ME?”
It’s science.
Look it up.
Until then, I’ll be over here stalking the mailbox and waiting for life to fall back into place.
If anyone needs me, I’ll be standing at the front window pretending I’m not watching for the mail carrier…. cause she MIGHT get home and realize she dropped my mail in her car and come back and deliver it to us TODAY?! RIGHT?! *crickets chirping* ahhh ok…maybe tomorrow!!!
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