What is going on with coffee lately? Or is it just me?

I swear to all things caffeinated, every cup of coffee I’ve had in the last year has been HORRIBLE.

Bitter.

Burnt.

Tastes like someone roasted the beans directly in the fires of Mordor and then strained it through an old boot.

At this point it is quite honestly ruining my life.

If coffee isn’t good anymore, what exactly are my options here? Crack? Cocaine? I have a sneaking suspicion neither one is going to provide the specific “functioning middle-aged mother trying not to lose her mind before 8 a.m.” energy boost I’m looking for.

I DID finally find one bright shining beacon of hope in this dark roast apocalypse: Java Factory Roasters.

Their Banana and Cannoli flavored coffees?

*Chef’s kiss.*

Absolute perfection. NO NOTES

Go check them out if you’re also mourning the death of good coffee. They have a maple cinnamon flavored one that is to die for as well!!!

In other exciting developments, I am still waiting on the mail.

No updates.

No magical checks.

No surprise grocery money.

No rich uncle I’ve never heard of leaving me a fortune.

Nothing.

Yesterday I attempted to clean my kitchen. I successfully made it through THREE cupboards before I had to stop and start supper.

Then the sink started backing up.

Into the dishwasher.

Because apparently my house looked around and said, “You seem to be handling things pretty well. Let’s fix that.”

Meanwhile, every day requires a new level of creativity with whatever random ingredients remain in my pantry.

I’m reaching a point where I could absolutely dominate an episode of *Chopped*.

“Today’s mystery basket contains:

* Half a sleeve of saltines

* One lonely can of green beans

* Three tablespoons of peanut butter

* An expired packet of taco seasoning

* The hopes and dreams of a tired mother”

Challenge accepted.

Honestly, if I survive this week, I’m adding “Pantry MacGyver” to my résumé.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s episode of:

**”What Fresh Hell Awaits Heather?”**

I’m expecting either a washing machine flood, a raccoon in the basement, or the dog learning how to use to mower.

At this point, nothing would surprise me.