Just my random rant for today…

I am CONVINCED rain is sentient.

No matter what I do to protect myself—umbrella, hat, jacket, hood, newspaper, sacrificing my dignity to the weather gods—the rain sees my plan and immediately goes:

“Nah bitch.”

Then it changes directions like it’s in the damn Matrix and finds the ONE spot I’m trying to keep dry, MY GLASSES.

Which is exactly why I need LASIK. I’m tired of my glasses getting wet bruh!

And can we discuss KASHMIR?

Every single morning:

Me: “Go potty.”

Kash: sniffs one blade of grass for 14 minutes

sniffs another blade of grass

investigates a leaf that has clearly committed a crime

Me: “Please. It’s raining. Just find a spot, ANY SPOT go pee bruh.”

Kash: “I need to gather more evidence.”

Then she sprints back to the door, runs inside, and immediately pees downstairs.

Ma’am. We JUST held a business meeting outside specifically for this purpose.

But the true crime happened when I finally dragged my wet, annoyed self back inside, dreaming of coffee.

The coffee machine looked me dead in the soul and said:

🖕 “Not today. I ain’t brewing SHIT, bitch.”

Honestly, if you see a news story about a woman fighting a coffee pot at 6:17 AM, mind your business. You don’t know what I’ve been through.

Anyway… that’s my morning.

How are y’all doing? 😂☕🌧️🐕